Tenant makes Facebook Friend request

[bizaro86]

Hello,

I have a bit of an odd tenant relationship issue. We recently moved new tenants into one of our properties, and as always dropped off a small gift a few days after move-in to make sure everything worked out ok. We`re also approximately the same age as our tenants (mid-twenties) and we were polite (as always) during the interview process.

One of the tenants has sent me a "friend" request via Facebook.

I`m not totally sure how to deal with this, as I don`t want to be rude, but also don`t want to get overly personal with my tenants. I`m also potentially concerned about "jealousy" issues, as our lifestyle includes trips to relatively "exotic" locales that our tenant would be unable to afford, and those pictures end up on facebook so my family can see them.

What are all of your thoughts on the matter?

Michael

 

[REINteam]

QUOTE (bizaro86 @ Mar 29 2010, 03:09 PM) Hello,

I have a bit of an odd tenant relationship issue. We recently moved new tenants into one of our properties, and as always dropped off a small gift a few days after move-in to make sure everything worked out ok. We`re also approximately the same age as our tenants (mid-twenties) and we were polite (as always) during the interview process.

One of the tenants has sent me a "friend" request via Facebook.

I`m not totally sure how to deal with this, as I don`t want to be rude, but also don`t want to get overly personal with my tenants. I`m also potentially concerned about "jealousy" issues, as our lifestyle includes trips to relatively "exotic" locales that our tenant would be unable to afford, and those pictures end up on facebook so my family can see them.

What are all of your thoughts on the matter?

Michael


Hi Michael,

You always have the option of putting them into a "limited profile" group where you can limit what they see on your profile. You can also set the limitations specifically for each photo album, etc. There are ways to limit their viewing capabilities to almost nothing without having to deny the request.

If you require any assistance with that, feel free to let me know.

Candace Martyn

 

[DaveRhydderch]

I have one tenant on my facebook. For me personally, anything that increases our relationship (tenant and mine) is a good thing. I think if they consider me a friend, they`re more likely to care for my place.

Jealousy issues are one thing, but every tenant seems to assume a landlord is rich anyway. The bigger issue would be to make sure they don`t take advantage of the relationship. Which they wouldn`t because you wouldn`t allow it.


Just my 2 cents. I realize facebook is different to every person, and we all must consider who we want as our "friend".

Dave

 

[invst4profit]

Steer clear. It is almost always a mistake to rent to a friend. Making a friend of a tenant is exactly the same thing.
Tenants are not friends and should never be treated as such. You have only a business relationship and it should remain that way. Thinking that a closer relationship will make things easier is a major mistake if and when situations turn bad.
As soon as a tenant starts to get close they will begin to take liberties that will negatively impact your business.

 

[wgraham]

QUOTE (invst4profit @ Mar 29 2010, 06:09 PM) Tenants are not friends

Greg, you could very well be one of the most interesting people I have never met!!

I take completely the opposite approach. I often use facebook as a screening tool. If they are jumping on the speakers in their pictures they will be jumping on the speakers at your place.

I am of the thought that if we are "friends" they will treat my place with more respect. I am friends with almost all of my tenants. They see what I am up to (good and bad) and I like to know what they are up to (good and bad).

Now I think Greg is right in the fact that there is friends (and Family) and then there is business....define the line and know exactly when to be in either roll.

If you have insecurities about people thinking things about you like you have money (I know I once did) I suggest you deal with that demon sooner than later. You are who you are and the people you invite into your life accept that or they move on. Here is one of my favorite Dr Suess quotes

Good luck!
Wade

 

[JoeRagona]

QUOTE (wgraham @ Mar 29 2010, 08:37 PM) Greg, you could very well be one of the most interesting people I have never met!!

I take completely the opposite approach. I often use facebook as a screening tool. If they are jumping on the speakers in their pictures they will be jumping on the speakers at your place.

I am of the thought that if we are "friends" they will treat my place with more respect. I am friends with almost all of my tenants. They see what I am up to (good and bad) and I like to know what they are up to (good and bad).

Now I think Greg is right in the fact that there is friends (and Family) and then there is business....define the line and know exactly when to be in either roll.

If you have insecurities about people thinking things about you like you have money (I know I once did) I suggest you deal with that demon sooner than later. You are who you are and the people you invite into your life accept that or they move on. Here is one of my favorite Dr Suess quotes

Good luck!
Wade

this is true Wade - I agree with you as well. I respect you Greg in many ways for the expertise you offer but have to disagree with your disassociation with your tenants. I know Greg you are a mature gentlemen and I`m not that far off in age but what I don`t know is how long you have been in business. If this is your first, second, part time etc. If it is your first, I can understand your approach because tenants are `different` than regular business clients and so much of the law is for them.

However, what I can suggest is how you approach any relationship dictates the outcome. For myself, I have been in business my entire life. From handling 14 year old teenager DJS calling them `sir` to huge government officials when sitting at the dinner table asking them `just tell me the tender amount - how much you want me to beat it by and it will be on your desk in the morning`. Were these people my `friends`? Many were, but they also knew when business was in play.

If you have that sort of relationship with your `customers` both should know when you decide to step in and put on the serious business cap, it means business. The world of business and in general only gets easier when you have the help of others, and that includes your customers.

Just my rant

 

[Sherilynn]

I think you can be friendly without ever being friends.

I lean more towards Greg`s view in that I would never befriend a tenant, on facebook or otherwise. I have had several tenants that I knew would make great friends, just like I have had many employees that would make great friends. If you cannot be completely equal, then there MUST be a line.

As far as facebook goes, you could send the tenant a personal message stating that while you appreciate the gesture, you only add family and longtime friends to your "friends" list. (Of course this works better if you have used appropriate privacy settings in facebook.)

I think some people view Facebook as some sort of contest to see who has the most "friends." This is not always advantageous. I recently discovered that my upstairs tenants were "friends" with my downstairs tenants, yet the upstairs tenants broke their lease because the downstairs tenants were intolerable. (I printed the friends list and added it to my evidence binder.)

Regards,
Sherilynn

 

[dwoychuk]

I think a lot of it boils down to what you are comfortable with. If you feel you can`t separate business and friendship then you should stay away from it. However, if you are able to clearly define the line between business and friendship in your own mind AND to your "friend" then go for it. Keep in mind though, that if things start to change in either of you (which can be hard to see happening), you need to cut it off, and that can be very difficult.

I agree that being friends in business can be very beneficial if it is done right, it can also be a disaster if done wrong...weight the options and go with your gut.

Cheers,

 

[fumbrunner]

I tend to agree with Greg and Sherrilyn on this one. You have to keep a safe distance between your business and private life. I certainly have a good relationship with my tenants, but I just wouldnt feel comfortable with granting them that type of access to me.

Facebook is a good screening tool, particularly for those that open up their access to everyone. It`s one of the checks I make on potential tenants.

 

[bizaro86]

QUOTE Steer clear. It is almost always a mistake to rent to a friend. Making a friend of a tenant is exactly the same thing.

I hadn`t thought about it that way. I would never rent to a friend or family member, because I tend to value those relationships, and wouldn`t want to spoil them (for either party) by mixing them with a landlord-tenant relationship.

QUOTE (wgraham @ Mar 29 2010, 06:37 PM) Now I think Greg is right in the fact that there is friends (and Family) and then there is business....define the line and know exactly when to be in either roll.

If you have insecurities about people thinking things about you like you have money (I know I once did) I suggest you deal with that demon sooner than later. You are who you are and the people you invite into your life accept that or they move on. Here is one of my favorite Dr Suess quotes

I don`t think its an insecurity about money, it`s more of a practical reality. My goal is always to manage my properties with a minimum of hassle for a maximum return. In general, I`m not concerned with what people think about my financial status (I`ve worn a tuxedo to the grocery store, but I`ve also worn my painting jeans and flip-flops) but I don`t wish to give tenants a potential "mental excuse" to not pay, as sometimes being able to justify something is the biggest barrier to doing it.

QUOTE As far as facebook goes, you could send the tenant a personal message stating that while you appreciate the gesture, you only add family and longtime friends to your "friends" list. (Of course this works better if you have used appropriate privacy settings in facebook.)

I think this might be how I end up going, as that is actually how I use facebook, to keep up with people I know well. I`m not inclined to become a social networking "maven" and add everyone I know to my friends list, in hopes of getting to know them better.

Thanks for the advice everyone, hope it helps someone else out as well. It is a bit of a 21st century specific question!

Michael

 

[ChrisDavies]

It`s also awkward when you have a tenant friend you, and their profile pic is them wearing less thank all their clothes, holding onto a pole.....

 

[invst4profit]

I have been in and out, mostly in, this business for nearly 30 years and have found being cordial, treating tenants with respect and sticking strictly to business is rarely the cause of problems. Becoming friends on the other hand can and does present problems. Once a friendship develops it is virtually impossible to undo it in a positive manner. In addition tenants never truly accept you as a friend, first and foremost they will always see you as there LL regardless of what they say to the contrary. Friend ship is a two way street that unfortunately you only completely control one side of. As such you place yourself in a weaker position in the event trouble arises.

Just wait till the day comes that they can not make there rent or there kid destroys the floor and see how fast they play the "friend card".
It isn`t that I haven`t met tenants that I like, on the contrary, it`s that bringing the "friend card" into play simply adds a variable that can go very wrong where as staying on a business level is predictable.
I have all the friends I need thank you and don`t need any more that can possibly try to take advantage of my friendship when they hit hard times.
Personal friendships that could potentially make running my business more difficult are not welcome.

I like most of my tenants, I treat them well, I believe most of them like me, some may actually believe I am there friends but they are mistaken. I am only a very nice LL that will serve them with an eviction notice without straining an emotion if the need arises.
I do not consider myself an amateur and do not run a mom and pop business.

My business is far too important to me to let down my guard to something so insidious as friendships with customers occupying my investment.

Friendly yes but never friends. Friends do not evict friends. They evict ex friends.

I thing most are actually confusing friendly with friend in the context of this discussion.

 

[DaveRhydderch]

I suppose the one clarificaiton is that just because someone is a "friend" on my facebook page doesn`t actually mean their a "friend" in real life. Definitely not the case...

 

[lilbuffet]

QUOTE (DaveRhydderch @ Mar 30 2010, 04:59 PM) I suppose the one clarificaiton is that just because someone is a "friend" on my facebook page doesn`t actually mean their a "friend" in real life. Definitely not the case...


I guess then Dave you arent my real friend.....*tear* hahah just kidding man

 

[Alvaro Sanchez]

I use FB as a tool to keep in contact with family, old friends, clients and customers (and to develop new business)....You never know when the next opportunity will be coming from so keep your profile simple and post what your are prepare to share. Whatever you post there will be open for the public one way or another so be careful.

QUOTE (lilbuffet @ Mar 30 2010, 08:19 PM) I guess then Dave you arent my real friend.....*tear* hahah just kidding man

 

[vandriani]

QUOTE (asanchez @ Mar 30 2010, 06:48 PM) I use FB as a tool to keep in contact with family, old friends, clients and customers (and to develop new business)....You never know when the next opportunity will be coming from so keep your profile simple and post what your are prepare to share. Whatever you post there will be open for the public one way or another so be careful.


As I was reading this post my first thought was maybe you want to start a facebook page geared towards your buisiness. This will seperate your personal and business. Has anyone else done this?

 

[mlwilliamson]

Hello Michael,

I get those same request occasionally from clients. However I made sure when I started with facebook that any online activity was clean. As a person that deals with the public you can be judged by your online activity. For me if I have a good (fan) relationship with the client I will accept him as friend, however if the request is from a problem client I will ignore the request.


QUOTE (bizaro86 @ Mar 29 2010, 06:09 PM) Hello,

I have a bit of an odd tenant relationship issue. We recently moved new tenants into one of our properties, and as always dropped off a small gift a few days after move-in to make sure everything worked out ok. We`re also approximately the same age as our tenants (mid-twenties) and we were polite (as always) during the interview process.

One of the tenants has sent me a "friend" request via Facebook.

I`m not totally sure how to deal with this, as I don`t want to be rude, but also don`t want to get overly personal with my tenants. I`m also potentially concerned about "jealousy" issues, as our lifestyle includes trips to relatively "exotic" locales that our tenant would be unable to afford, and those pictures end up on facebook so my family can see them.

What are all of your thoughts on the matter?

Michael